Close to Home: Vanishing before my eyes - Santa Rosa Press Democrat

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On Monday, my wife Bessie and I will be married for 62 years. I never dreamed that as I celebrated my 90th birthday, I would face a future without her.

While she is still with us, Bessie is living with Alzheimer’s disease, and her memories are fading.

We’re fortunate to have a home overlooking the beautiful Sonoma Valley, with our granddaughter and a wonderful caregiver who watches over Bessie and sees to her needs. Many are not so fortunate, often having to give up careers and upend their lives to take care of their loved ones.

As I celebrated my 90th birthday on May 28, and as I look forward to celebrating Bessie’s 91st birthday on July 4, I’m committed to raising awareness for the Alzheimer’s Association this June, Alzheimer’s and Brain Awareness Month, to help drive research to improve treatment for those living with Alzheimer’s and all other dementias.

In October 2014, a neurologist diagnosed Bess with dementia and early-stage Alzheimer’s disease. Her behavior was becoming more indicative that something was not right, which is why we went to a specialist. It took quite a while for the doctor’s statement to set into my normally positive attitude.

The lovely young woman who graciously aged beside me was beginning to vanish and would eventually be gone into her own world, wherever her mind might take her. For the first time in my life, I would no longer have control of our destiny. I was faced with decisions that would have a dramatic effect on both our lives.

I have since accepted the fact that she may no longer recognize me one day, but for now I feel gifted to be able to spend our time together.

Devoting a life to each other and our children has been extremely rewarding. The family vacations and business trips she accompanied me on to Puerto Rico, Alaska and across America provided us with not only memories and photos, but special occasions that provided us a rich and loving life.

I think back to all the wonderful moments over the decades with our children, Michael and Susan. Both gave us four grandchildren, now all grown and on their own, who in turn have given us four great grandchildren.

When I show Bessie photos of our trips, I find difficulty in doing so, because she has no memory of the times we enjoyed together.

We were pleasantly surprised when we brought an upright piano into our home and sat her in the wheelchair in front of it. She started playing from memory and began reading the music from “The Sound of Music” album. It brought tears to my eyes since she had not played for over a year.

I take each day as a blessing and am incredibly thankful. The message I want to impart is how precious each day is — do not take for granted the ability to share it with someone you love. As time goes on, I find myself falling more in love with my wife, not only because of her condition, but the ability to recall all the wonderful times we’ve had together.

In honor of Bess and the beautiful life we’ve shared together, I’m on a quest to help the Alzheimer’s Association’s raise awareness about the impacts of Alzheimer’s and other dementia. I hope by sharing her story, it might touch people’s hearts and encourage others to get involved with this worthy cause.

I sincerely hope that one day, we may be able to see a world without Alzheimer’s disease and all other dementia.

Larry Udell, a professor and founder of the California Invention Center, is a resident of Santa Rosa.

You can send letters to the editor to letters@pressdemocrat.com.

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Close to Home: Vanishing before my eyes - Santa Rosa Press Democrat
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