SOMEWHERE, LIKE, UP IN THE SKY—I love how they call us “unidentified aerial phenomena” now. Sounds classier than UFO, don’t you agree, Zorx?
Zorx: Most assuredly, Amber. I never liked the “objects” part of Unidentified Flying Objects. It sounds derisive, irregardless of which galaxy you inhabit.”
Amber: Zorx! You mean “regardless.” If we’re going to meet the Americans soon, we need to be sure we are fluent in English.
Zorx: (sulking) I’m not sure they’re worth all this effort. Frankly, I’m weary of their childish jokes about how we always want to probe them inappropriately. As if. They should be so lucky!
Amber: Zorx!!
Zorx: Sorry! It’s just that after all these years they finally realize we’re out here. Can you imagine being so arrogant as to think your planet is the only one capable of supporting intelligent life? It’s honestly preposterous.
Amber: It’s a curious place, this Earth. I remember when we almost decided to give up on them.
Zorx: Ah, yes. The Marjorie Taylor Greene years. Challenging times indeed.
Amber: Hold that thought, hon. Someone’s at the dock. Oh, no! It’s the American and it’s a half hour early! Quick! Do my scales look symmetrical?
Zorx: Yes, you are gorgeous as always. (pouty) But of course it’s early. Only boring people arrive early.
Amber: Try to be nice! Oh, look. It brought cake.
Zorx: Is it wrapped in tin foil? Ha! That’s funny because…
Amber: Yes, yes, I get it.
Zorx: (huffy) Of course the American would bring cake. What if we were gluten-intolerant? See what I mean? They don’t think they’re the center of the universe; they think they ARE the universe.
Amber: Zorx, you must remember they are millions of years behind us! Cake is delightfully anachronistic if you think about it. They still eat MEAT! Hahahahahahaha!
Zorx: Point taken. Although, if I’m being honest, I do rather miss bacon but that was many trillions of light years ago. Still, you never forget that smoky, salty, crispy flavorful goodness…
Amber: Zorx! Your antennae!!
Zorx: (blushing) Sorry. Admit the American. Ack. I hope it can read the room, you know, not try to keep us up all night. I’ve got pickleball at noon.
Amber: Pickleball? What’s that?
Zorx: No idea. It’s just something the Americans are crazy about once they arrive at the final stage of their normal life span so I thought it might be a topic of conversation. Did a little reading up on it in case we hit an awkward silence.
Amber: Me, too. It turns out the higher functioning humans use sarcasm and humor; the lower ones click on things like “See Elizabeth Hurley’s bikini pix!” on their archaic laptop computers. Also, what’s a lap?
Zorx: I have no idea about anything you just said. And I’m fine with that. (opens door) Welcome! Do come in. (visibly shocked) Whoa. What’s that thing in the middle of your skull covering?
American: Uhhhh, you mean my nose?
Zorx: Yes, sorry. How rude of me. May I take your exoskeleton?
American: Uhhhh, pretty sure it’s attached big guy!
(awkward silence)
Zorx: Soooooo… pickleball. Do you partake?
American: No, but my grandpa likes it a lot. I’m Gen Z. So my mom sent cake. I was gonna go with some weed. Peace pipe, amiright? Up high. No. Higher. No. See it’s called a high 5. Oops. My bad. Can you grow another one of those?
Zorx: Already done.
American: Whoa. Can you do that again? This’ll blow up Tiktok. You guys ever see the guy who slices a banana instead of peeling it? That gets me every time.
Zorx: (under his breath) Aye, the idiot is strong in this one…
Amber: Who wants cake? Jeff! Come serve us, will you?
Jeff Bezos: Be right there, Mom!
"close" - Google News
June 26, 2021 at 06:03PM
https://ift.tt/3qt51Tt
Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: A UFO close encounter | The Progressive Pulse - The Progressive Pulse
"close" - Google News
https://ift.tt/2QTYm3D
https://ift.tt/3d2SYUY
Bagikan Berita Ini
0 Response to "Weekend humor from Celia Rivenbark: A UFO close encounter | The Progressive Pulse - The Progressive Pulse"
Post a Comment